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under the water reflections |
He lay in the bath, his head under the surface, tapping his
fingers on the bottom down by the side of his knees, listening to the sound
distorted by the water; his refuge Swallowing the air in his lungs as if
gulping with his mouth tightly shut, a technique he’d discovered for himself
and which he believed allowed his head to remain submerged for longer. This was
his world, hardly Jacques Cousteau, but cheaper than a flight to Bermuda and
much warmer than a flooded quarry in England.
Ever since he could remember he’d been doing this. At first
as a small boy in his childhood home, his happy home before it all went wrong.
Even the bath was better there, a metal enamelled bath that made a “Clank”
sound when he’d tapped his fingers. Yes, it had all been much better then. He
remembered his mum, no need for memory tricks, the “every day the sun shone”
type of tricks. His mum had been a talcum powder, Vapo rub, kiss it better mum.
Gentle, kind and loving; he’d always felt loved then; it was just, well … it
just was; a normal state of being. He remembered the Sunday mornings in his
parents’ bed, he would read to her from one of his books, while dad made
breakfast downstairs. “It’s my turn to read to you today mum” as she fluffed up
both their pillows and made a great play of settling down to listen. And then
breakfast in bed whilst all three made plans for the day ahead.
He remembered family holidays, “Enid Blyton Holidays” his
dad called them, where the countryside went straight down to the sea. Not for
them the endless streets of boarding houses, games arcades and hot dog stands.
Theirs was a holiday world of rock pools, crab lines and games on the beach.
Once dad found a wooden pallet, scrubbed clean by the action of the sea and
which he placed over a low-lying rock so that it mimicked the action of a boat.
All that afternoon they pretended to be pirates, making up dastardly pirate
songs and battling with the Royal Navy.
The beginning of their holiday was always the same, he
recalled. Once in the car, all packed and ready to go, with his parents in the
front his dad would look over his shoulder at him. “ARE. WE. READYYYYY!!!???”
YEEEES!!!! would be the equally loud and gleeful reply from the back “LETS GO
THEN” as his dad inserted the CD and the unmistakable opening bars of ELO’s “Mr
Blue Sky” would thump from the car’s speakers; both his parents and he laughing
at this ritual as off they’d go…
He came up both for air and because he found it impossible
to cry underwater; hadn’t quite mastered that yet.