Sunday, 9 March 2025

Lucia - by Adam Rutter - inspired by a '555' prompt -


Lucia was no longer with us.
from the 5th chapter, 5th page, 5th line of 'Black Coffee' by Agatha Christie
 
Lucia was no longer with us. When I went back to the manor house, I checked the four rooms upstairs. I asked the housemaid if she had seen Lucia sometime after eight o’clock this morning. The housemaid had not seen her since yesterday. Lucia was not in her room when the housemaid took up her morning cup of tea. The last time any of us saw her was at the house party last night. The party started at 7PM. It went on after midnight. Lucia was talking to her friends. This was probably just after nine. Mrs Ludlow. That was her name. She had not seen Mrs Ludlow for over fifteen years. They both went to the same university. Edinburgh I think it was. Probably studying Cosmology. It was something along those lines. After Lucia and Mrs Ludlow had graduated, they kept in touch by letter, and sometimes they used to talk on the telephone. She’ll be talking for two hours; sometimes more. The conversations were friendly to begin with, but soon turned nasty. They did fall out, although they have made up. Come to mention it, I didn’t see Mrs Ludlow leave the party. She left without as much as a bye or leave, which was odd. It wasn’t like Mrs Ludlow to go without saying “goodbye.” I had never known her to do that before. Come to think of it, neither had her friends. I went to a groceries shop in a village nearby. I inquired about Lucia’s whereabouts. The lady in the shop saw her on Thursday. That is the day she does her shopping.

Nobody else had seen Lucia. The last time that the villagers had contact with her was a week ago. I can’t see how or why Lucia would just disappear. I cannot imagine her wandering off without the guests noticing. In any case, I think it was a simple fact that they were too drunk to notice. I realised Lucia’s absence after Mr Broadway had gone. He was the last to leave once the party was over. The thought of her disappearance didn’t occur to me. At least, not at first anyway.

It was the housemaid who alerted me. So I got in the car and searched the area. I asked at the vicarage, looked in hamlets and villages. And where was she? Nowhere to be found

Anyhow, new information has turned up. A woman of her description has been seen on the Shetland Islands. We’ve had thirty years of marriage, and she ends up on the Shetlands of all places. The Shetlands, I ask you. Fancy Lucia going to somewhere as remote as that. I don’t know what she’s trying to prove. She has been all the way to Canada, but that was nearly twenty years ago. We haven’t done any travelling for five years.

The Shetlands. Wherever next?

Probably The Bahamas no doubt. Where else would she go in the world? I know one thing for sure. I’m not searching for her. I’ve done with my searching. I’ll have to get someone else to do it for me, somebody professional. There is s private investigator that hangs out in Shrewsbury. Very good, I have been told. John Golikely I think is the name. That’s him. Golikely. I will book an appointment to go and see him. Will he be the one who’ll find my wife? Very likely.

4 comments:

Irena Szirtes said...

Like the use of the first person in this, and the surprise at the end.

Anonymous said...

Like Irena, I like the use of the first person narrative. It's a lot more difficult than third person with all the things you cannot know and must be told or hear by chance. What I would say is to give it a re-read and check your tenses, continuity of words and the sense of some of the sentences (unless he is an unreliable narrator, which we cannot yet tell).What you mean can be misconstrued by someone reading it. For example in the first few lines 'checked the rooms upstairs'. I presume this means the bedrooms unless it is a very small manor house. 'i asked the housemaid if she had seen Lucia sometime after eight o'clock in the morning'. Again, I presume you mean that at about eight o'clock I asked the maid if she had seen Lucia, rather than I asked the maid if she had seen Lucia at the time of eight o'clock, as this does not seem to make any sense to the time frame of the piece.

Heather

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your feedback on my monologue Heather. I have picked up on the discrepencies in some of the narrator's sentences. I confess that I need to be more consistent with the information that the narrator articulates.

Anonymous said...

Thank you. Surprising my readers is what I love doing.

Adam